Counselling and
stress management
in Southampton
Feelings and needs
Emotions and needs are deeply connected.
When our needs are recognised and met in one way or another, we often have uplifting feelings.
When the mutual need-meeting process falls apart, our emotional state can become much more distressing.
The importance of exploring and negotiating needs is central to the Gestalt Cycle of Experience and approaches like Non-Violent Communication and Human Givens. Unfortunately, when emotion-driven thinking is steering the ship, the brain often gets scrambled which makes calm reflection about needs one heck of a challenge.
So be prepared to sink beneath the story you're sharing, vital though this is, and spend time connecting with and exploring the murkier levels of your bodily-felt emotions and their underlying needs.
'Let's not forget that the little emotions
are the great captains of our lives.
And we obey them without realising it.'
Vincent van Gogh
The driving importance of needs
As Marshall Rosenberg reminds us, everything we do is in the service of our needs. Needs drive our feelings, thoughts and actions. They're also enmeshed with our body sensations and relational dynamics. In the holistic casserole of the mind, everything merges together to create the rich tastes and textures of our lived experiences.
Feelings contain valuable information about whether needs are being met (green flag) or not (red flag). This challenges a view held by some that 'therapy is just about expressing feelings.' Yes, mindfully connecting with, naming, containing and expressing feelings are vital, and often challenging, parts of therapy. But as the mind is an amazing, holistic process, we can also explore how different ingredients link with, and provide vital information about, each other.
So, put on your walking boots and pack your rucksack! It's time to explore questions like these:
What are your feelings really trying to tell you?
What are you doing that supports and hinders the need-meeting process?
How can you apply this learning to both help yourself and nourish important relationships in your life?
Find out more about feelings
There are some great books that can help us learn to be empowered rather than undermined by our emotional life. Living Like You Mean It by Ronald Frederick has been positively received by many of my clients over the years. If you're on a mission to befriend your feelings, you may find it super helpful.
Expressing feelings well matters but it's only part of a bigger process.
A contemporary neuroscience view on how the brain creates feelings.